


smother me

by wartransmission



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Drabble, Illustrated, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 11:29:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1816990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wartransmission/pseuds/wartransmission
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As much as Killua liked to think that Gon only said the things that he said because he felt like it, Gon knew that that wasn't true. He only ever said things that he knew needed to be said.</p>
<p>And he'd say the most important thing now, even if it meant that everything- and nothing, maybe- would change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	smother me

**Author's Note:**

> A repost from [tumblr](http://jadedgalvanizer.tumblr.com/post/88688509588/and-i-enjoy-looking-at-your-drawings-you-should-draw) to AO3 of my first KilluGon fic, which I'm mostly doing because of [my friend's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightjinx/pseuds/Gee%20Writes) support. Thank you very much for being such a cool friend, friend!
> 
> Note: Recommended song to listen to is [Smother Me by The Used](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kViQxH1v9v0).

“Hey, Killua?”

“What?”

Killua doesn’t look back, just like Gon had expected he wouldn’t. It isn’t surprising, considering how Killua likes to pretend that he doesn’t care. 

Killua was never really good at being honest, Gon has realized.

“I’m sorry.”

Killua comes to a halt, taking a second to gather his bearings, before he turns to look at Gon with a raised brow. A signature Killua look that Gon has received many, many times before (and yet he missed it, Killua looking at him like that, over the years they spent away from each other). “Huh?”

“I’m sorry,” Gon repeats, smiling sheepishly when Killua frowns in bemusement at him. “I apologized before, but. I don’t really think it’s enough. I’m really sorry, Killua.”

It doesn’t take long for realization to dawn on Killua, his expression clearing up nigh instantly as he sighs in exasperation. He knows just what it is that Gon is apologizing for, and they both know that Killua doesn’t like to think about it anymore. (Even so, Gon also knows just as much as Killua does that Killua will forgive him for bringing it up again. He always does.) “It’s really not, you idiot. That’s why I told you, you have to make it up to me.”

 

 

“I know that.” Gon huffs. “But I thought that I needed to say it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Killua sighed, waving a hand in dismissal as he makes to turn away again, “I get it-”

“Killua,” Gon interrupts again, giggling a bit when Killua furrows his brows in frustration and glares at him.

“What  _now_?” Killua says, straightening up and tapping his foot on the ground in impatience. His arms are already folded on his chest before Gon can even begin to reply and he looks annoyed, as he is wont to look whenever Gon is testing his patience, which is almost always. Gon is certain that Killua would smack him over the head if he admitted to deliberately doing it most of the time.

“Thank you,” he says, softly this time, sounding far more apologetic than when he apologized, and for good reason. There are many things,  _so many_ , that Gon has to thank Killua for, and he can’t even count all of them.

Killua looks stunned when Gon- having unintentionally lowered his gaze for a moment- looks up at him. As terrible as it must sound, the look on Killua’s face sends a little thrill up his spine and he feels more courageous, a little less nervous as he goes on to say, “I never got to say it before we separated, but I’m really thankful that I met you. It’s different,” he insists before Killua can retort, “from when I first said it. I’m really glad I met you, Killua.”

It takes a few seconds before Killua realizes that he hasn’t said anything in response. “S-stupid,” he stutters none too eloquently, bowing his head before Gon can get a look of his flustered face, though it doesn’t hide how the tips of his ears are turning pink. He says, trying and failing to sound annoyed, “Do you even know how embarrassing you sound?”

“I love you,” Gon says instead of answering, knowing that it’ll be a long argument if he actually answers Killua’s question. Still, he’s calmer than he thought he would be; the pace of his heartbeat jumps for only a fraction of a second before calming again, as though it were assured of what the outcome would be.

He wonders if it’s because he knows, as conceited as it sounds, that Killua loves him back.

“You- that’s,” Killua fumbles for words, his arms crossed over his chest making him look like he’s holding himself. He looks fragile all of a sudden, like he could break if Gon even so much as muttered that it was a joke- which it wasn’t, and it never would be.

“I love you a lot,” Gon repeats, stepping closer unhesitatingly, and he smiles when Killua doesn’t move from his place. “I’m sorry that I never told you before,” he adds, voice softer as he stops a foot away from Killua.

“Before-!” Killua sputters, shocked, as though he hadn’t known that Gon loved him just as much as he loved Gon. “What do you think you-”

 

 

He stiffens, quiets down when Gon reaches out and cups his cheeks (so very warm and red) with both hands. For a moment, Gon is distracted by how pretty Killua’s eyes are this close, though he snaps out of it when Killua blinks. He smiles, calm like Killua isn’t, their positions reversed as Gon traces his thumbs along Killua’s temples. “I love you  _so much_ , Killua.”

“…idiot…”

Gon laughs, loud and unfettered as Killua lowers his head away from Gon’s touch, only to hide his face in Gon’s shoulder.

“You’re supposed to say that you love me too, you know,” Gon teases, grinning as he wraps his arms around Killua’s shoulders. Killua doesn’t struggle when Gon pulls him close and he moves his own arms, slow and hesitant, to wrap them around the curve of Gon’s back. He is still tense in Gon’s arms even though his hold around Gon is loose, like he’s scared that holding on any tighter would make Gon disappear.

“I’ll never, ever, let you go,” Gon tells him, his eyes falling shut as he sighs and nuzzles his cheek into Killua’s silver hair. “Never again,” he promises, the tone of his voice firm as he lowers his face to hide in the crook of Killua’s neck and shoulder.

“…you’re embarrassing,” Killua mumbles. His hold, which was so loose before, tightens- squeezing around Gon’s back like he’s a lifeline, clinging onto him like he couldn’t before because Gon was always,  _always_ , too selfish, immovable when it came to what he wanted, which left Killua to be the one to clean up after him.

“I love you too,” Killua says a moment later, voice a whisper as he keeps his head lowered into Gon’s shoulder.

 

 

Gon smiles, breathes in Killua’s scent (sweet and like home), and holds him closer. He says-  _swears,_  because Killua deserves so much more than petty words, “This time…this time, I’ll make you happy, Killua. I promise.”

Killua laughs and it sounds like a sob, but Gon doesn’t say anything about it. He owes Killua that much, at least.

He thinks they’ll be fine, this time.


End file.
